you know, i really wish i was a good writer. it bothers me like 80% of the time. i read so much because i am amazed by other people's writings. i love the idea of fantasy books, i'm reading the hobbit right now (the prelude to the lord of the rings) and it's truly amazing. j.r.r. tolkien writes in a kind of biblical style, with O's and nor's and whence and all those cool words. i love it. well, i know those books were written a really long time ago since he died in the 70's, but i just like how it is. i like the things he comes up with and creates, the hobbits in their hobbit holes on the shire, the many types of elf villages, the goblins that live in the depths of the mountains, and the skin changing man who also can into a bear. it all intruiges me that people can make up stuff like this. i'm sure their ideas are not totally original, but in the stories they just seem so surreal. the way stories just unfold into great plots and events leading up to a fantastic ending.. it's just shocking to me. i've always tried to come up with a good idea to write into my own story. i've been starting stories that seemed like good ideas since i was like 10, and nothing has ever been successful. nothing. i can't do it. i can't think of fantastic ideas and plots like these amazing writers. but i want to write so badly. i've just been ignoring my desire to write because i feel like i can't do it no matter how hard i try. it's not like i want to write an amazing story and publish it to the world. i just want to write something. no one even has to read it. i just want to write. i'm very into english, i'd say it's my favorite subject next to art.. but i just wish i could write. i feel lame. but seriously, i can't. i come up with an idea, then think it's the lamest thing i've ever heard. i try to make up fantasy, and it sounds like everything else. i try to make a reality fiction type thing and i'm like... wowwwwww, gayyyy. ergh. i think i have the ability to write with proper english and a good structure, but i just don't know what to write about. that's my problem. jeez. i just wish i could.

so i went back to school today after missing like 3 days. i have tons of work to do and tons of studying to do. oh well. i got most of my work done so far, but i still have to study sunday night before school on monday. i have like 4 tests. kill meee.