Confused

that dream seemed as real as the things i thought and the things we said.
i don't know if i'll regret this yet or if it will even happen. i'm so afraid i'll be afraid.
i'm scared of the firsts, the knots in my stomach are sure to return.
how far will it go? is this meaningless? we're never good with words in person.
would it mean something more than we ever thought it would?
will it be an awkward mind set of nerves and fear?
confused is the the only thing to describe my mind. confused, i'm so fucking confused.
ask yourself, sam. is this what you want or are you fooling yourself?
now, take 20 years to make up your fucking mind.