lalala, i never post on here anymore. i always try to write a song, but i always end up thinking it's crap and i never finish it. at the moment i'm sick as a dog, i have a stuffy nose, shitty lungs, a fever, aching body, and diziness. i'm suprized i'm not puking my guts out or anything. i don't want to go to school tomorrow, but i'm scared of staying home. my dad just went completely out of it again. he didn't fall and dislocate his hip or anything this time, but he just turned into a zombie and he couldn't talk and he was shaking. it's so sad to see a grown man like that. it's sad to know what a chemical imbalance in your brain can do. i feel awful because it's superbowl night, and he's sleeping through the whole thing. he had no other choice, though. i feel even worse for my mom because she has no one to watch it with. i know she was looking foreward to hanging out with my dad tonight and watching the game and eating and everything. they made all this food to eat together. it all went to waste. i really wanted to try to eat some of it so it wouldn't go to waste, but i'm really not hungry and it hurts my throat when i eat anything. but it's just so depressing seeing my dad act like that. i was on the verge of tears before because i felt so bad for my poor mom, she was looking foreward to this. ah. i'm really tired, but i know that if i try to sleep at all my sinuses will get really raw and it'll wake me up. that's what happens every time i try to sleep. but anyways, i meant i was scared of going home because i don't know how my dad is going to be. i don't know what i'm supposed to do if he falls. i can't even bare talking to him when he's like the way he gets. it just makes me cry. i don't know why it makes me cry, but it does. it tears me apart, really. hmm, i don't know what else i have to say.... i really like reading lately. i read like 10 books this school year. wow. i feel awesome. i just started the hobbit the other day, i'm on like page 50 or something. i like fantasy books. i love seeing what creative things people can come up with. i like reading about other worlds that are so unlike this one. i don't like the world, that's probably why i love fantasy so much. i also realized that i have a strange obsession with dinosaurs. i think it's so cool how their features are so similar to birds. it's like birds and mini dinosaurs. not really, but it's just still really cool. i wish jurrasic park really exsisted. i wouldn't be scared to go in it! i'd be honnored. hahaha. idk. i'm rambling. random thoughts. uhh this is really long and i need to go pee, so i'll end this.