Dillon

dillon, i'm a liar, a really big fucking liar. i never, ever felt as close to you as you did to me. i should have never said all those things to you that i didn't mean. i may have felt like i meant them, but i really didn't. best friends is a strong word, and i never should have led you to false hope. this isn't a matter where i can feel good either way. i stay friends with you, i feel like shit for not standing up for myself. i push you away, and i feel sorry for you. just please, dillon, keep on living. don't end your life over me. i'm not worth it. i don't want to be the one that made someone die. how the hell am i supposed to live with that for the rest of my life? i respect you for listening to me when i told you how i felt, and i appreciate you backing off. but please, don't be stupid. i could say sorry a million times, and none of it would even matter because i know you're losing a big chunk of your life. sometimes sorry doesn't mean anything. but dillon, as selfish as i feel, it's time to grow up. i can't pretend anymore and i need to stand up for myself. i had to do this. i'm sorry. i'm so fucking sorry, it fries my brain to think about you.